Feature: Games.Net's Gaming Surname Spectacular! Subscribe to this RSS feed
More last names, from Jak to Ratchet!
Only the most puntastic surnames earn the double eye-roll.
Character: Jak (Jak and Daxter Series)
New Full Name: Jak Mehoffer
Why?: When he's not saving the world, Jak enjoys tormenting Bill O'Reilly.
Character: Kano (Mortal Kombat Series)
New Full Name: Kano MacSuzuki
Why?: If Midway isn't sure if he's Japanese or Australian, how can we be?
Character: Kasumi (Dead or Alive Series)
New Full Name: Kasumi Pantsu
Why?: She kicks high.
Character: Kazooie (Banjo-Kazooie Series)
New Full Name: Kazooie Kablooie
Why?: Any time you hear the word "kazooie", "kablooie" isn't far behind.
Character: Kratos (God of War Series)
New Full Name: Kratos Gryos
Why?: Oh, slayer of Gods, we shall name a delicious, meat-filled sandwich after ye.
Character: Kirby
New Full Name: Kirby Yerenthusiam
Why?: Turns out Larry David is a huge Nintendo fan.
Kratos is pleased with this homage.
Character: Link (Legend of Zelda Series)
New Full Name: Link Plz
Why?: Despite being one of gaming's greatest heroes, folks still see fit to question Link's credentials.
Character: Mileena (Mortal Kombat Series)
New Full Name: Mileena Margarineface
Why?: Kitana's evil cloned twin can't even self-depreciate properly.
Character: Motaro (Mortal Kombat Series)
New Full Name: Motaro Mo Problems
Why?: FACT: Biggie Smalls and Motaro were tight, son.
Character: Nariko (Heavenly Sword)
New Full Name: Nariko Patriko
Why?: Who would have thought a distant relative of porn superstar Tera Patrick would have been the world's savior.
Character: Ness (Earthbound)
New Full Name: Ness Dustyn
Why?: No matter how often you blow into the cartridges, those freaking games never work right.
Character: Nightwolf (Mortal Kombat Series)
New Full Name: Nightwolf Balakrishnan
Why?: Turns out he's the other kind of Indian.
Character: Olimar (Pikmin)
New Full Name: Olimar Clothesoff
Why?: When you're the size of a quarter, you've got to employ every method possible to sway the ladies.
Character: Peach (Super Mario Bros. Series)
New Full Name: Peach the Hedgehog
Why?: She only plays Mario's girlfriend on screen
Character:
Pit (Kid Icarus)
New Full Name: Pit Harry
Why?: Didn't know he was related to Pitfall Harry, did ya? Also, the guy's got some furry underarms.
Character:
Poo (Earthbound)
New Full Name: Poo Pee
Why?: This disciplined martial artist knows how to persevere despite being consistently mocked on the playground.
Characters: Popo and Nana (Ice Climbers)
New Full Names: Popo and Nana White
Why?: Are they brother and sister? Husband and wife? All we can be sure of is that they rock.
Character: Q*bert
New Full Name: Q*bert #!@*$&!
Why?: Turns out he just wanted the world to know his name.
That's gotta be a chick.
Character: Raiden (Mortal Kombat Series)
New Full Name: Raiden Dirty
Why?: Can't a thunder god take his low-rider out for a spin without facing the po-po?
Character: Raiden (Metal Gear Series)
New Full Name: Raiden Pat
Why?: For the good of androgyny.
Character: Ratchet (Ratchet and Clank Series)
New Full Name: Ratchet Wranch
Why?: Ratchet loves tools and delicious salad dressings alike. Thus, a compromise was reached.
