Feature: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Subscribe to this RSS feed
Breaking up is hard to do, but Xbox 360, we can't take it anymore! You promised us a sinful world of backwards compatible action, but so far you've delivered nothing but awkward experiences with loser after loser. It's about time we spent some time apart. Thanks for the memories.
Dear Xbox 360,
I hate to do this in a letter, but I think it's for the best. We've had some good times since the beginning of November. Things started off great. I was in to you, you were in to me -- everything seemed perfect. I remember hearing about you from a friend of mine. You sounded perfect for me. Great assets, great body, you were the total package. And I can't even begin to explain the first time you told me you were in to "Backwards Compatibility." "Holy lord," I thought, "life doesn't get any better than this." My mind raced with all the dirty things we could do with all my old Xbox friends. You were sex personified.
At first your kinky fetish was exhilarating. You and I would get hot and steamy with Halo 2, and then finish off the night with a quickie of Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. We were reckless and insatiable. We'd do Ninja Gaiden before I left for work in the morning, and I'd rush home at lunch for an afternoon delight of Call of Duty: Finest Hour. But that wasn't enough for you. You got greedy and we all suffered because of it. I remember the first time we had a BC with Rogue Ops. You told me that it was OK, that it was nothing to be ashamed about. I managed to convince myself that you were right, but then came Toxic Grind, Grooverider: Slot Car Thunder, and Kabuki Warriors. The last straw was Shamu's Deep Sea Adventures. You seriously crossed the line on that one -- I showered three times that night and the dirt still wouldn't come off. I lost a piece of myself that night.
Sure, you have plenty of excuses to explain your behavior. It's hard to teach you new tricks -- you're a sucker for the oldies. I can appreciate your tastes, but you need to take in to account my tastes, too. Until you know how shameful it feels to wake up after a confusing, awkward night of BC Chicago Enforcer, I think we should take some time apart to think things over.
I know, I know, you've told me that you can change. You've told me that you're always working to make yourself better. But come on, you've made promises for six months now and nothing has changed. Six more months from now you'll make a triumphant announcement about how more sophisticated your tastes in BC have become, but all I'll see is that shameful parade of losers that came before that. I can't believe that I was a part of that.
You promised me a world of sinful delights, a place where I could have the best of both worlds. But Xbox 360, you lied and that hurts more than you could ever know. Taking some time apart from each other will do both of us some good. I need time to clear my head and learn some more about myself. You need time to get your priorities straight and figure out what you want out of life. You can't go around making empty promises -- you'll learn that one day soon enough. We had some great times and thanks for the memories.
